You know that saying: crowns in heaven? Well, if we are, in fact, given crowns in heaven for acts on Earth, then those among us who have spent a significant portion of our time on this earth in the role of caregiver will be the first to get the diamond tiaras.
I watched my mother take care of my father for the last seven years of his life. Seven long exhausting years of caring for his needs after he had experienced a heart attack and then a debilitating stroke that left him speechless and physically unable to care for himself.
She was an amazing caregiver. She moved about her day with my father’s needs ever present in her mind. She moved them from the harsh winters of the Midwest to Florida. I hardly ever worried about him. I worried about her. I knew that like a newborn baby, my father was receiving full attention and great care, and she was suffering in silence. She did what she thought she should do because she was his wife, and she was willing to set aside all of her own needs and care for him.
Many of us in this room have or are caring for others— our children, our parents, other family members, other individuals with chronic illnesses or special needs. Thank you. Kudos to you for taking on this mountainous commitment. The work is endless, often thankless, and completely exhausting.
Right now, in the United States, 43.5 million caregivers are currently helping loved ones. They are husbands, wives, parents, sons, daughters, and dear friends who are doing double-duty. Their lives are filled with compassion, and stress. They do the tasks of giving care with patience and with love. They are usually alone in their duties. They are often overwhelmed. They are filled with fear, and they are tired. And sometimes they are angry.
They are caring for children with special needs, for parents who were once strong and active, for spouses who are injured or terminal, for people who are physically whole, but emotionally or mentally nonfunctional.
They are amazing. They have an understanding of service and grace and compassion that places them in a truly special category.
In the Bible there is a passage that has become known as the “unto the least of these” passage. It is an often cited text that speaks to why we help other people out — especially those who are suffering the most in our culture.
Here is the passage:
“A King says to his servants, ’I was hungry and you gave me something to eat,
I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink,
I was a stranger and you invited me in,
I needed clothes and you clothed me,
I was sick and you looked after me,
I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
The servants replied, ‘What are you talking about? When did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ Then the King will say, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” — Matthew 25
It’s that last line that I want to focus on.
“whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” — Matthew 25:40 (NIV)
Caregivers understand this Bible passage, even if they aren’t familiar with it. They are serving their loved ones. They aren’t doing this for accolades or for glory. They do this, because they innately believe it is the right thing to do. They must do this. Because it is sacred. It is holy. It is because of love and for a higher purpose. As they serve their loved ones, they are taking the high road, they are honoring God, who is the source of all love.
But of course, they don’t always feel great when they are doing the tasks of caregiving.
Speaker and caregiver educator, Dr. Elaine Sanchez has written:
“There are a variety of caregiver recognition weeks and months, and sometimes there are awards given at banquets to a caregiver who has done something amazing, but when you’re in the trenches and caring for someone who has a chronic condition, it can feel like the hardest, most thankless job you’ve ever done.” — Dr. Elaine Sanchez
Understandably, in our culture we are always aware of the person who is suffering —- the one who is ill or injured or struggling. We often ask family members about their wellbeing. But it is the astute, the insightful, among us who asks how the caregiver is doing ….who offers to give that caregiver a break….who recognizes the sacrifice of personal time, energy and sometimes privacy that becomes the everyday routine of their lives.
And that — right there — asking how the caregiver is doing — is one of the most loving things the rest of us can do. Next, we can thank them — On behalf of their care receiver, who may not have enough strength or the ability to thank the caregiver. Who may be in so much pain that kind words are too difficult. Thanking the caregiver for the person receiving their care may be the exact words they long to hear.
If you know someone who is caring for a loved one, take a moment and acknowledge the effort they are making to keep things going. Every bit of recognition and appreciation can make a huge difference to them.
Secondly, wherever possible, offer to give the caregiver a break — some time away from the situation, an opportunity to run errands, or indulge in some self care. Receiving a break is an incredible gift to someone who is on call 24/7.
Finally, pray for them. Pray for their bodies to be strengthened by God. For their rest to come easily and for their fears to be lessened. Don’t pray just one time. Or just one day. Pray often for the caregivers that you know about.
Rosalyn Carter once wrote:
“There are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need a caregiver.” — Rosalyn Carter
The possibility that we will all end up needing a caregiver at some point in our lives is pretty high. The possibility that we will be a caregiver in our lives is also pretty high.
Let’s remember the compassion and understanding that it takes to be the care giver as well as the care receiver.
A young girl tells this story:
My dad is a beekeeper. Today, he showed me all the honey he has gotten from the hives. He took the lid of the 5-gallon bucket full of honey and on top of the honey, there were three little bees, struggling. They were covered in sticky honey and drowning. I asked him if we could help them, and he said he was sure they wouldn’t survive. I kept begging him to try to do something, and so finally he scooped the bees out of the bucket, put them in an empty yogurt container and put them outside on a bench and left them to their fate.
Naturally there were a lot of bees flying around because he had disrupted the hive with the honey collection. After awhile, my Dad called me out to show me what was happening. These three little bees were surrounded by all of their bee sisters and they were cleaning the sticky nearly dead bees, helping them to get all of the honey off of their bodies. We came back a short time later and there was only one little bee left in the container — still being tended by her sisters.
After about an hour, we checked once more. All of the bees had been cleaned off enough to fly away and the container was empty. Those three little bees lived because they were surrounded by family and friends who would not give up on them. Resolved to help them until they could be set free.
May we all be grateful for the selfless compassion of the caregivers who have been there to set their loved ones free. Amen.
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