Today is a special day. For some of us, Mother’s Day is a joyful time of celebration and memory making, but that’s not everyone’s story. For some, this is a day of struggle, grief, longing or pain. Whatever your story is today, we are glad you are here in the presence of others who may feel as you do.
One thing for certain, is that we have all been mothered — either by our biological mom, or the mom who chose us, or our dad, grandma, favorite aunt, sibling or teacher. We all have someone who functioned in that role for us. So today is the day we honor those people. The ones who wiped our snotty noses. The ones who said the words we needed to hear. The ones who did their best to comfort us and protect us.
I find it very interesting that God is referenced with maternal characteristics several times in the Bible. In Isaiah, God says:
“…as a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.” — Isaiah 66:13
In Hosea, God says
“Like a bear robbed of her cubs, I will attack them and tear them asunder.” — Hosea 13:8
As I grew up, I knew that both my parents supported my brother and me, and in many ways, my mother was very protective. She wasn’t a helicopter mom, or overly involved in our lives as we aged, but she was indeed, a bit of a mama bear.
Mama Bear mothers are brave. They aren’t mean, they just care so much about the kids that they jump in to keep them safe. Dog moms do the same thing. When another dog threatens our baby, we have no problem picking up our 100 pound dog to keep it out of harms way.
Sometimes the mama bear comes out in us when we least expect it: I remember a time when I was at our neighborhood swimming pool one summer day several years ago, and a little girl started yelling as a little boy was holding her arms and keeping her from getting out of the pool. Without a moment’s hesitation, I called out, “Hey — let go of her.” And he did.
I would like to ask another mama bear to come up here this morning. Katie Center and her husband Dan, are foster parents. They are stepping in to parent children who need a temporary safe place.
Katie, thanks for being willing to share your experiences this morning.
Let’s start out with the basics:
1. Why did you and Dan decide to become foster parents
Dan was working as a home based case worker contracted through DCS, typically working with bio parents doing father engagement, parenting training, supervised visits among other things. Several of the kids but one in particular just had no one fighting for her. We wanted to help her or kids like her by providing a safe, happy place to live
2. How do your biological children feel about having foster siblings?
Both of them love the kids! We included them in the decision to start fostering. James especially likes to know what’s going on at all times - who every person that comes to the house is, and which kid they work with. (therapists, CASA, home based, GAL)
3. Do you ever meet or interact with the parents of your foster kids?
We have not in person but I have talked to one or more on the phone. We have been really lucky in that the bio parents that have been a part of their kiddo’s lives have been very appreciative of us. I know it’s not always the case. Our 2 girls from Honduras are able to communicate freely with their families back home.
4. What has been the greatest obstacle or challenge as a foster mom?
Keeping the schedule straight - we usually have 5-6 people at the house every week.
Also being mindful of how much trauma these kids have been through. Your language has to be soft and caring. An example of where I didn’t do this - teen came and told me her plans with her friend. She spoke really quickly and I didn’t hear (or retain) everything she said. I called her later and said ‘this is not what we talked about’ I may have even used the word ‘lie’ because we were not at all on the same page. This really upset the kid. I of course went back and repaired later, explained I shouldn’t have used the word lie since it wasn’t really what happened. Then you find out that being called a liar is a huge trigger that brings up accusations they may have gotten all the time in their childhood.
5. What has been your greatest joy as a foster mom?
Hearing them laugh together. We have 2 girls from Honduras as I mentioned - and I really feel like the stars aligned or something for them to get to be together. One was with us already and feeling down because her roommate went back home to her bio mom. The other is a pregnant teen that was living with an aunt and uncle that were rarely home, and she had no prenatal care except when she went to the ER for other health issues. We were told she was very nervous to be placed with a family and just didn’t know what that would look like.
Fast forward three weeks, and the two of them are joined at the hip. They have beautiful infectious laughs that just make your heart melt. The older girl came with the younger and me to a prenatal appointment and got to see the ultrasound for the baby
6. Is there one moment or experience or time spent with one of your kids that will stay with you for a very long time?
I can’t pick one moment. There are little moments every day that are memorable. One has just gotten a job and is about to get her learner’s permit so I took her to drive in a parking lot a couple times. 2 of them will be graduating high school next month. It makes me so happy that they will have a big family there to support them and watch them ‘walk’ for graduation
Katie, you are doing a wonderful thing — you are providing safety and comfort, guidance and protection. Please know that this faith community supports you and Dan, and we are here if you need something from us. Amen.
A Jewish proverb proclaims:
“A mother understands what a child does not say.”
My friends, mother figures spend their lives trying to figure out what their children want or need. Let’s give them incredible credit and compassion for that.
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