We all struggle from time to time.
A rookie baseball player was struggling trying to get his pitches over the plate, so the catcher walked out to have a talk with him. “I’ve figured out your problem — you always seem to lose control at the same point in every game.”
“When is that?” Asked the pitcher.
“Right after the National Anthem.
A mother was having a hard time getting her son to leave for school one morning. Her son complained: “Nobody likes me at school. The teacher’s don’t and the kids don’t. The custodians don’t like me either. I don’t want to go.”
“You’ve got to go,” insisted the mother. “You’re healthy, you’ve got a lot to learn, and you’ve got something to offer to others. Besides, you’re forty-five years old and you’re the principal of the school.”
I certainly do not need to tell you that life is hard. Adulting is hard. But so is being a child. There are lessons to be learned at every age and stage of our lives, and there are complicated and tragic things that happen to us and to those we love every day.
Much of our life is spent trying to solve problems, and manage our time, balance our work and family life, and then when extra challenges come along — those off-the-map hard things, we often just don’t feel like we can do it. We feel overwhelmed and ill- fit for the battle.
I love the song that Linda Newell just sang a few minutes ago. You Can Do This Hard Thing Yes, it’s a beautiful song with a lilting, gentle sound, but it also packs a long-lasting message, if we let it. The song begins with a common, fairly universal situation. A child is sitting at a table struggling with a math problem. Someone in the room helps the child solve the problem.
Then we are told that we can do hard things. The second scenario in the song takes us to a train station, where someone is getting on a train, someone else is carrying their bags, and there is a promise made that someone will wait on you. And we are told again, that we can do hard things.
The last little scene in the song is a phone call — we don’t know what happened, or who was involved, but the person who received the phone call didn’t want to be alone, so the person on the other end of the line promised we’d see this through. And one more time we are told that we can do hard things.
Three little glimpses of life — poetically written — universally applicable and relevant to our lives. We can all plug in our own versions of those hard things — if it wasn’t math at the table, maybe it was a book report, or trying to figure out how to be a good friend in second grade. Saying goodbye at the station could be going off to college, leaving for the service, moving away from our families for whatever reason. Or perhaps it was a trip that involved caring for someone ill, or for someone who had lost their way.
And the phone call late at night. We have all heard that fearful late-night call — heard the incredulous words, felt the terror in our blood. And no, we most certainly did not want to be alone to process it.
And there is an important part of this beautiful poem — this love song to humanity. Sometimes all we really need is someone by our side through the hard thing.
Someone at the table to guide us, and then encourage us —- as the song said: carry the two, now you……
Someone at the station to ground us — I’ll wait for you.
Someone at the other end of the phone — we’ll see this through.
They were with us. Gently. Calmly. They didn’t tell us what we did wrong to get into this situation, they didn’t not judge us, or yell at us….they just stand near us. Available. Willing to be present.
Broms the poet — an instagram poet, has skillfully captured our need for this kind of soul near us when we are going through hard times. His poem is called HUSH
HUSH
Have you ever just
Sat and listened to a loved one vent?
Silently you held space,
’Til from darkness
They’d rallied back?
Support
Need not be complex
It only needs to be only ……that.
Listen
Until the clouds crack
And bleed them some sunshine.
Smile
And be their lifeline,
’til their worst feels like
It’s just fine.
— Broms the Poet
Have you had someone do that for you? Have you let them? Or did you repel the offer, preferring instead, to go it alone?
Have you done that for someone else? You don’t have to know what to say. You just offer yourself. Your time. Your hand.
And then, the song tells us, after some time — something magical happens. From the muddy ground comes a green volunteer. In a place we thought barren, new life appears.
Hope, my friends. Hope comes when we least expect it. If there is a payoff for our struggles, it is new life. A new chance. A fresh start. Something we never thought we would have.
Each person in this room has experienced this miracle. We have each gone through the hard time, done the hard thing, and something new has surprised us in the least likely way possible.
When this happens, I believe it is a reminder of God’s presence, even when we didn’t know it or feel it. Even when we don’t ask, God is there for us in the midst of the pain and the tragedy.
In the book of Isaiah we are reminded of these words:
“God gives strength to the weary, and empowers the powerless.” — Isaiah 40:29
I happen to believe that when someone comes along to sit with us, to guide us, to hold our hand, it is God coming to tend us and hold our hand. That is why it’s best to accept the offer whenever it comes.
Something else grows within us along with that new life — that new hope that comes even as we struggle with life’s challenges. It is resilience.
“Resilience is the capacity to rise above adversity and forge lasting strengths in the struggle.” Steven Wolin, M.D. “The Art of Resilience”, Psychology Today, June, 2016
Resilience means bouncing back from difficult experiences. It means not quitting. Many of us have resilience — we just didn’t know that was what it was called. Maybe we called it grit, or guts, or sucking it up.
Right now, I want you all to do something. Close your eyes and think about the last really hard thing you had to do, and you did it. Think about several of the things in your life that you have already overcome. You have managed some hard stuff. You have done some hard things. You are so much more resilient than you thought you were. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.
Now, open your eyes, and listen to me. You can do this hard thing. You can do this hard thing. It’s not easy I know, but I believe it is so, You can do this hard thing.
You can not only do this hard thing in front of you right now, but you will rise up over this hard thing, and you will be stronger because of it. Amen.
Psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross wrote these powerful words:
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths.” — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
My friends, my prayer for each of us today, is that we not only get through our struggles, but that we help those around us in whatever way we can — to get through their struggles.
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